I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
