I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
