she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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