i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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