I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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