doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
