Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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