Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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