Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
