My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
