I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
