Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
