I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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