Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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