my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
