So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
