So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Green mimosas i think yes
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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