i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
