Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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