you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
