Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
