i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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