so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
