One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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