i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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