1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
