speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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