It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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