I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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