So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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