My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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