i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
