We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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