Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
