You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
