They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
