i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
