She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
