Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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