The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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