It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
