Buhtt sex?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
