What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
