she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't turn off my feet"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
