I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
