found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
