What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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