just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
