i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
