Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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