So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My ATM looks so different sober.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
