I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
