i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
