Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
