Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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