god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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