I'll bet she douches with gravy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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