Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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