Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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