new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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