If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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