peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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