He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize