Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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