she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
