Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
