I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
